Vanishing America

Ethel Anne and Lester's Place

Lester was a tall skinny wisp of a man. Ethel Anne was on the other hand not tall nor was she very skinny. She was a big bully of a woman who never met a imperfection she wouldn't point out. Which didn't play out well for Lester at all. He was a mousey little man who bottled up his true feelings for his behemoth of a wife. By nature Lester was lazy. Ethel Anne scolded him day after day, "Lester! Cut down the infernal sapling behind the house!" Lester would ignore her and go sleep down by the fishing hole. Seasons went by and constantly he would hear. "Lester! Cut down that tree!" Season after season, Lester would ignore her and go fishing. Sometimes if she had been nipping at the cider jug, Lester would come home to a flying plate or cup. Being a little man he would have to take the occasional dish to the head or if she was particularly angry a slug to the back of the head.

One night late in the fall, a early storm came blowing in. The small shack shook and creaked until you thought it might pick up and blow away. The front door burst open! All the cold air and wind filled up the shack. Ethel Anne knowing her useless husband would just ignore it, got up and waddled over to shut the door. Crack!!

Ethel Anne was right of course, Lester did sleep right through the storm. When he awoke the next morning to the cold breeze filling the shack, he realized he was alone in the bed. Oh joy! Then he thought, "Great, I am surely to blame for something and will get beat today." He arose to find his burly bride. When he walked to the kitchen, he found her on the floor. The life squashed out of her by a fallen tree. That stupid sapling had grown into a massive tree and must have came down in the storm. At first he felt sadness. Then the reality sunk in. No more beatings, no more chores, all the time to go fishing he could handle. Well, ol Lester hit the jackpot!

Ethel Anne was buried next to the base of that stupid tree she had complained about for oh so long. Lester was so lazy, he never really fixed the shack. He just sort of propped the tree back up and went to take a nap by the pond.

Moral of the story: Good things come to those who wait? or why do today what can be used to squash your annoying wife later?